Saw a car with the license plate ‘BOLEYN’ getting cut off in the McDonalds drive through. History repeats itself.

tsundereslasher:

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Frollo, upon meeting Gaston for the first time. True story.

schmergo:

My anaconda don’t want none until the mating season, which occurs during the rainy season, and can last for several months, usually from April to May. During this time, males must find females. Typically, female snakes will lay down a trail of pheromones for the males to follow, but it is still unclear how the males of this species track a female’s scent. Male anacondas also frequently flick their tongues to sense chemicals that signal the presence of the female.[26]

Why is no one reblogging this? I spent like three whole minutes researching anacondas’ mating habits on Wikipedia.
thecursedknight:

owlgoggles20:

Steal His Look: Smitty Werbenjaegermanjensen
Sorry but this look is currently unavailable
It was his hat, Mr. Krabs
He was #1

Oh god this has to be the best one yet

thecursedknight:

owlgoggles20:

Steal His Look: Smitty Werbenjaegermanjensen

Sorry but this look is currently unavailable

It was his hat, Mr. Krabs

He was #1

Oh god this has to be the best one yet

My anaconda don’t want none until the mating season, which occurs during the rainy season, and can last for several months, usually from April to May. During this time, males must find females. Typically, female snakes will lay down a trail of pheromones for the males to follow, but it is still unclear how the males of this species track a female’s scent. Male anacondas also frequently flick their tongues to sense chemicals that signal the presence of the female.[26]

When my mom gets really bored, she makes me sing her songs from South Pacific. All the songs.

If all dogs go to heaven, I like to imagine that all cats go to purgatory. They just sit there and stare right through you. Cats, staring, everywhere, covering every surface, never interacting with you and never blinking. Other than that, it’s exactly like normal life, except that there’s no dogs. For cats, it is heaven.

zenosanalytic:

schmergo:

I want a movie about a kid who just so happens to be born a Classic Gothic Hero, but in modern day. His name would be like Byron Dangerfield or something. 

Whenever he has EMOTIONS, there are claps of thunder and lightning. Every time he leans against a piece of furniture, it turns out to open a secret passageway leading to some dark secret, until eventually he’s just like “REALLY, GUYS?” All bad dreams are prophetic, even if it’s just that Starbucks will be out of pumpkin spice syrup the next day. Every girl he talks to swoons a lot and has a tyrannical heavy-browed father who are all played by the same actor. Ravens flock around him.

There are inexplicably paintings with moving eyes and moving suits of armor everywhere he goes, even McDonalds. Every time he moves to a new apartment, there is ALWAYS a screaming woman chained up in the room above his, and she invariably sets the place on fire. He’s so over it.

He has never stood upon a moor(on, on; he has to remember to stop using that preposition, it is archaic and it morbs people out) that was not windswept and dreary. After he lost that fifth coat to strong winds he just gave up on North England entirely.

He has never seen a full moon; not entirely. Whenever he tries, he sees but a bit of it through a veil of brooding clouds and the scraggly branches of leafless trees, clawing at the gloom towards its alabaster glow. They are so much like hands, he thinks; the gnarled, withered fingers of man, that fallen, ragged vagabond, reaching -tremblingly, achingly- for a redemption he shall never reach. He also wishes he could stop thinking up all these ridiculous rambling metaphors and similes about everything he sees or does I mean CHRIST it’s embarrassing just having all this purple prose in his head why him? Why is he tormented so?? Why has God chosen to Afflict him thus??? What crime could be so great tha-

He has to remember the exercises his therapist taught him. Deep Breaths… iiiinnn… ooouut…

…iiiinnn… ooouut…

…Better.

He tries not to dwell on the injustice of it all. Dwelling just leads to rants. His natural talent for soliloquy and monologue certainly served him well in the theater(he had to give up on acting though; all those sordid love-triangles, jealousy-fueled murder-suicides, and mysterious disappearances that seemed to follow him from company to company[even to a dinner-theater troupe in Cleavland!] got to be too stressful), but it has sent more than a few friends and lovers backing slowly and wide-eyed for the exit. Apparently, flying into 30 minutes of self-pitying heroic couplet when the plumbing breaks is not considered an acceptable reaction by most people but in his defense how was he supposed to know that?!? Besides, broken pipes are serious business; all this wet could give him consumption! He’s supposed to take that in stride??!!?? Byron is also, unfortunately, rather immune to scientific explanations on such matters |:/

It was a fact as inescapable as the fickleness of God and the faithlessness of humanity; Byron Dangerfield of Ravenwood Manor simply could not catch a break u_u

This is more gorgeous than I could have expected in my wildest dreams.

Ever since I accepted this full-time job a few weeks ago (a super-fast application-interview-hiring turnaround time), I’ve been getting emails with rejections for all the jobs I applied to months ago and never heard back from. And it’s like, haaaaah, good thing I didn’t wait to see if I was going to get any other offers before accepting. And also, joke’s on those companies for not wanting me, because I LOVE my job! So there!

castiel-counts-deans-freckles:

This is like a round of cards against humanity

  • Every writer ever: I feel like writing but

feelingravityspull:

feelingravityspull:

schmergo:

feelingravityspull:

What in gods name happened to Adele

I heard that she settled down

Well that’s good im happy to hear she’s doing well

Wait a god damn second

You are beautiful!!!
Anonymous

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